Where's Hank?

In one of my very first blogs I mentioned that Hank is always getting shut up in my closet because he cannot be in the presence of an open door and not run through it. I spend much of my time wondering where Hank is and having to do a mental inventory of all the doors I've opened in the last half hour. I've started collecting photos of all the places I find my cat when I can't find my cat. I want you to take note of the grumpy face he has in many of the photos. All I have to say to Hank about that is that I'm not the one who askes him to crawl into weird places and be forgotten.

This next one is a new place, even for Hank. He is obsessed with Q-Tips and tampons, so I believe that's why he's in my Q-Tip drawer.

You are correct. That is frozen corn behind his bum and tater tots below his feet. He was one cold kitty.

This photo made me laugh because there is virtually no food in my fridge, but a 20 pack of Diet Coke. I've got my priorities right, I tell you.

For Hillyerie that expressed concern over Hank "coming out of the closet", I think I've got much bigger problems what with him "coming out" out of so many other things. I'm not even sure what that means since I had his little boy parts removed of a couple of weeks ago.

Organized Schmorganized

All my life I've tried to be the kind that carries a planner and subsequently always knows where she should be. What I didn't take into account is that those kinds of people use the left side of their brains and can do things with numbers besides count them. Some days even counting numbers is taxing for me, so I'm clearly not the planner kind. However, despite my disorganized destiny, I've started about forty-eleven planners. Not too surprisingly, I still didn't know where I should be. However, one day last April I got this pretty pink box with my Mary Kay starter kit in it, and it also included a planner. I was pretty excited to get my forty-twelfth planner, and I just knew that I'd really write in it this time. Surprise of my lifetime, I actually have been using it. I know where I am most all of the time now. This dog learned a new trick. The difference, I believe, is that I actually have places I need to be now. Go figure.

Now I have a new problem. My pink planner is not big enough for all of my busyness. I've got papers crammed in there so tight that I have to use a clip to hold them together. Not to mention the millions of post-its. It is a very disorganized organizer.

I was telling my tale of woe to my Laurie friend and she had the most ingenious of ideas. She suggested that I just get a bigger planner. Holy moly, what a great idea! That Laurie is a smarty pants. She uses her left brain practically all the time. Here is the wonderousness of my fancy new Walmart planner:

I have high hopes for this thing. It looks great now, but I've just only had it for a few hours. It's definitely roomier and it zips and has a home for my pen so I don't lose it. I have that problem too. Plus, also, Hank loves it:He lays on everything just like he's the boss or something. He's rotten and I'd like to say it's not my fault. Only it is.

Kade

I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure this is going to be my most favorite blog to date. It was definitely one of the funniest nights I've spent in a while.

I don't know how many of you know about the "Walking with the Dinosaurs" show they had at The Energy Solutions Center, but as soon as I saw the commercials, I really wanted to go. Why, I'm not sure because I've never really had any warm fuzzies toward dinosaurs before. Maybe it was because they were life size and I couldn't even imagine that. Anyway, I decided that it would be a little weird and not much fun to go by myself to something that everyone there will have their kid. After all, kids are the whole point of the show. Conveniently enough my friend Laurie happens to have 6 boys. One of which is 5 and pretty much my favorite. That kid makes me laugh. Laurie isn't opposed to rent-a-kid, so she let me take Kade. This is Kade and his cotton candy.

I thought I'd share with you a little bit of what that night was like. It went something like this:

Kade was a little nervous in the beginning because it was dark and a little creepy in that place. So he crawled up on my lap until he was quite sure the dinosaurs weren't going to be close enough to eat him. Out of habit I gave him a kiss on the back of his head. This conversation ensued:

Kade: I bet that is the first time you ever kissed a boy.

Shan: I wouldn't say the first time, Kade.

Kade: You've kissed lots and lots of boys. I bet you've kissed hundreds of them!

Shan: Not that I'm interested in having this conversation with you, but it has been more than one and many less than hundreds.

Kade: I knew you'd kissed lots of boys.

This conversation happened in the car on the way:

Kade: Shan, do you know how to play Candyland?

Shan: Yup. I used to play it all the time.

Kade. I own my mom when it comes to that game.

Again, in the car on the way home:

Kade: Shan, you work with my mom, huh? You are one of her consultants.

Shan: That's right, Kade. She teaches me how to be really good at selling Mary Kay.

Kade: Why don't you have a pink car like my mom?

Shan: Well, because I'm still learning how to be a really good consultant, but I'm earning my own free car. It's not pink like yours, though.

Kade: You should call my mom everyday because she can tell you how to be rich. Then you can have a pink car like mine.

The funny thing is that he was right on the mark with that one. This last conversation took place in the car on the way home:

Kade: Shan, do you think I could beat a T-rex if I fought him?

Shan: I don't know, Kade. They are pretty huge and mean.

Kade: Well, what if I had two swords and I knew how to do Kung Fu?

Shan: In that case, you'd beat him for sure

Kade: Shan, if a T-rex ever tries to hurt you, you call me and I'll protect you. You're my friend.

Shan: Thanks, Kade. You really are a good friend.

Kade: I'll wash your car too.

I really thought I was talking to Junie B. Jones most of the night. If you don't know who that is, then you should probably read her books. She's definitely my favorite fictional 5 year old.

Ikea Plumber

It is the end of the semester at school and it is not my favorite. Let me give you a glimpse of what my life looks like at school these days.


This, in addition to having to deal with about 200 fourteen year olds everyday, makes me realize that I'm quite possibly insane. It's like the chicken and the egg debate. Am I crazy for choosing to do this everyday, or did doing this everyday make me crazy? Either way, I'm crazy and I've been feeling it this week. I have a student teacher that will be taking over my classes in a week and all I have to say about that is, "bless her heart."

Plus, also, my Shelly friend and I went to Ikea tonight. We didn't really go for shopping, but to give out some Mary Kay samples and meet some people that want to play Mary Kay with us. We actually had a most wonderful time. Shelly makes me laugh until my belly hurts and I have to go pee. We found this birthday cake hat and I think I'm looking pretty hot in it.

They also had hats with fruit on them and one that looked like a blooming flower pot. I never knew that Ikea was such a cool place to hang out in on a Friday night. We wandered around for over 2 hours and met some really fun people. However, when we got there I was staving because at school I have to eat lunch so flipping early in the day. We went up to the cafeteria meatball place for some dinner. As a side note, I'd never had the meatballs before, and I loved them. Anyway, Shelly and I are just enjoying out meals and then a plumber sat down at the table across from me. How do I know he's a plumber, you ask?...

The pointer is my Shelly friend. I saw on the news that the biggest full moon of 2009 will be tomorrow night, but I'm pretty sure I already saw it tonight at Ikea.

Speechless

Today was my first day back to school since December 19th. I know it sounds sick, but I was ready to get back. Fourteen year olds may be squirrley, but they are also what I call funny. For example, one of my favorite kids tried to convince me once that lions cannot swim. I told him he was a liar, liar pants on fire and he proceeded to explain that all that hair will drown them if it gets wet so they can't get in the water. I asked him what his proof was and he said that he has a three-legged Sheltie that almost drown because his hair was too heavy. Apparently his dad had to save him. I'm pretty much peeing my pants at this point because this child told me this story with all the sincerity his heart could muster. I asked him if maybe the fact that his dog only had three legs was the contributing factor in the drowning and not his heavy hair. He said that I shouldn't be prejudice against a special needs dog and that he wants to be treated like everyone else. I gave up that fight because that child is not all there, I tell you.

Speaking of animals, here is the Hank update I know you all come here to read. His Namma Kaye gave him a mouse for New Year's and he's in love with that thing. He carries it everywhere he goes and even sleeps with it. I'm going to have to buy more and sprinkle them around the house because when that one disappears, it will be sadness. Mostly for me because he's so funny carrying that thing all over the place.
Here's the most exciting thing I've had happen in a good while. I went to a Mary Kay training in Sandy on Saturday. I love going to Mary Kay things because I get to hang out with so many fun girls and I learn how to make lots of money. The first thing we did was a little bit of a get-to-know-you exercise. We had to find someone in the room we didn't know and tell them what makes us a good person. Mary Kay is tricky that way. They are all about personal growth and making sure that you know your worth and how fantastic you are. I'll be honest, for as great as I think I am, it's still really hard to look someone in the eye and tell them all about it. I went first and I didn't love it. I ran out of stuff to say after about 20 seconds. She was nice and helped me out by asking me questions about myself. For as painful as that was, what was about to happen was a lot more painful. It was her turn and she started off well enough telling me that she was a good mom and she loved her daughter very much. However, it somehow went very wrong at this point. She then told me that she's a good person even though her family thinks she's a disappointment because she's a lesbian. She didn't stop there because apparently she is also a good Mary Kay consultant even though her last two classes were awful. The reason they were awful, you may ask, is because it was a room full of drunk lesbians. I don't think I let my eyes bug out of my head too much when she said all that stuff though I can't prove it. I felt pretty speechless right about then. All I could say in response was, "wow". I think if she wants to be lesbian she can, but I'm not sure she should go around announcing it like maybe she just bought a new pair of cute shoes. Plus, also, I'm pretty sure I was mostly surprised because the last place I thought I'd have a heart-to-heart with a lesbian is at a Mary Kay training. I wonder if she knows the whole point of Mary Kay is girliness. Now that I think about that, I guess in her eyes, a company that is 99.99% women is a pretty good place for a lesbian. It's kind of like the military and gay men. I really don't have much else to say about that. Actually, I have many things to say about that, only I probably shouldn't.

On a different topic, here's my New Year's day photo. This is what a night of partying with Aunt Kaye, Uncle Warner, and Hank looks like the next morning:

Hubba Hubba Hank

I figure that every time I post a blog featuring my cat, I'm one step closer to being the crazy cat lady. I should really just embrace it and know that it is my destiny. Actually, I took this photo the same day my car got it's window shot out. My Krista friend was at Wal-Mart that day and she came by my house to love me up and drop off a 12 pack of Diet Coke. She knows how much I love that sweet nectar of the gods. When she came to my house Hank was kicking it old school with his little arm behind his head. I thought she just might piddle her pants right there on the rug. She thought he looked pretty seductive and I'd have to agree. So, Hubba Hubba Hank is my new header photo.

Plus, also, my life is feeling better today. It was pretty touch-and-go there for while. I had a double facial at my house with a couple of super-cute girls and they bought $255 worth of stuff. My profit off of that averages out to be about $30 an hour. I'm pretty sure that Mary Kay is the only place I can make that kind of money in a way that is both legal and moral. We laughed a lot and it was really fun to have people visiting me at my house. Good company in conjunction with good money is enough to perk anybody up.

I almost forgot. I am the proud owner of a vacuum. My old one broke before I moved to Payson. If you are wondering what I've been using to vacuum for the past 7 months, I'd like to answer that I've been borrowing one. However, the truth is that I honestly haven't vacuumed since I've moved in. If you now believe that I'm living in redneck squalor, I'd like to direct you to the Christmas Eve post that shows a photo of what my Auntie gave me for my emergency preparedness. Actually, the good news is that most all of my house is cement. It's not just your run of the mill sidewalk cement, it's fancy stained cement that's heated. That is my favorite feature. I have warm feet all the time. Now I'm thinking I need to post a photo of my house so you can see my fancy cement with radiant heating that doesn't need to be vacuumed. There is carpet in my bedroom, only I'm not in there enough for it go get dirty. I barely even sleep there. The problem is the rug in the front room. I always swept it and that really did a pretty good job but that was pre-Hank. My post-Hank rug had a fine film of white cat fur on it that the broom didn't touch. I figured that a $40 vacuum was in the long run a better investment than the hundreds of lent rollers it would take to keep the kitty fur off. I used my Mary Kay money I earned last night. Hank and I are better friends now that I don't have to feel anxious about a furry rug.

This is my fancy floor in my fancy kitchen. Did I mention that it is heated? Because it is and I'm in love with it.

This is my happy little vacuum next to it's happy little clean rug. This is just a photo of Hank's tail in the closet door. He's obsessed with that place. When I open the door he runs in. On this particular day I shut it not knowing he was in there. I don't think he even noticed.

The Last Straw

Today's bloggness is not the happy joyful sort. I've been really emotional and wanting to bawl the past few days--I think from the Post Holiday Grumpiness

Syndrome (PHGS)--and today's little "incident" was the last straw.

I woke up this morning and decided that I would go to church with Aunt Kaye because I like that better than going to my church and sitting alone. I showered and got all dolled up and headed out the door. Only to my surprise and dismay, back passenger side window had been broken. Not just cracked, but shattered into a million pieces. I don't think shock is a good enough word to explain what happened next, but it is as good a word as I can come up with. I froze and had no idea what to do. Since my brain was shut down, I got out the cell phone and started calling people hoping they could tell me what to do. Right about this same time I became truly hysterical. I was sobbing so hard that it's probably a good thing that I couldn't really get a hold of anyone. I finally got a hold of Kesk, who was home from church presumably because she doesn't feel well, though I don't know for sure because I was too upset about me to ask about her. (So, I hope you feel better, Kesk.) She's my number one go-to-girl when I just need someone to be nice to me and to let me bawl at them. She suggested I file a police report. That was the moment it occurred to me that someone did this on purpose. I do teach 14 year olds and I know how destructive they sometimes like to be in the name of "fun". I wasn't in love with that idea, so I called my insurance first. They were very helpful in telling me it would be pretty expensive to fix. The nice man one the phone asked me if I had a cold, which was the wrong thing to ask, because I started crying hysterically at him too. I think he was pretty sorry he asked. He had a hard time understanding me after that because of the crying.

While one the phone with the insurance man, the Eaves came home from church to grab something. I was glad because they knew what to do. They had me call the police and then Randy stayed home from church to help me clean it all up. I'm very grateful. He taped the window up for me and I must admit it is pretty gettorific.