Do you remember this day?
I bet you also remember this Amy girl.
So, on that not-so-great day I was talking to Amy. Let me clarify that: I was ugly crying at her on the phone. In my defense, it was her own fault. She never should have had the nerve to call me that day and be nice to me. Being sweet to someone that is emotionally unstable is only asking for it. To make a long story short, I was just having one of those unlovable days. The kind where you are just sure that everything you do is wrong, and you are confused about why anyone would love you because you don't love yourself so much in that moment. Everything that ever seemed wrong or I was ever insecure about just came crashing in around me that day. I now know that a good deal of it can be attributed to PMS, but at the time I was sure that everything I was feeling was true and that it would last forever.
One thing that works well for Amy and me is that her brain is wired differently than mine in most ways. For example, Amy was blessed to be born with a knowledge of who she is and raised in a home that really nurtured that. Me, not-so-much. That day Amy made it very clear to me that all I was thinking and feeling was a bunch of crap. The thing I love best that she told me was that Heavenly Father made me and He only makes people He likes. And if Heavenly Father likes me I should probably like myself, too. Touche. Then she told me that she was going to hang up and that I needed to make a list of 20 things I liked about myself. She could think of 50 off the top of her head, but she'd let me start with 20. Then I was going to call her back and tell her what they are. Sassy pants, that girl. She had the advantage of me being in a weakened state and not able to fight back too much, so I did it.
Fast forward a couple of days and I'm preparing my Relief Society lesson for today. I actually like teaching R.S. quite a bit. It's not primary. That's all I have to say about that. Today's lesson was on Joseph Smith's Wentworth letter. I honestly had no idea what that was all about. Maybe I shouldn't admit that, but it's true. After reading the lesson, I knew quite a bit about the letter, but had no idea what to do with that information. Everything in that letter is really basic, LDS info: Joseph Smith prays, Heavenly Father and Christ visit him, he gets the plates, translates them, the church grows, they are forced out of many towns and persecuted, the church sends missionaries all over the world, and then the Articles of Faith. Really, 40 minutes retelling that to women that know far more than I do about it all? The manual gave me NO help in maybe what principles would be a good thing idea to bring up. I imagined all the little old ladies on the back row nodding off from the heat and boredom. We have not a few of those in my ward. Then, in a moment of divine inspiration, one word came to my mind: Legacy. Because of those events, Joseph Smith left us with a legacy that makes it possible to get back to Heavenly Father. Pretty big deal. I thought about what my legacy would be to those that come after me. Obviously it's not the restoration of the church and the opening up of the heavens for Heavenly Father to communicate with prophets again. Thank goodness that's already been covered. It was then that I realized that the list that Amy made me write down is what my legacy will be. All we have is who we are and how we treat others. That's what people will remember you for and what you leave for them. I'd sure be sad to leave a legacy of hurt and pain to others. My friend Laurie once told me that hurting people, hurt people. However we treat those we love will be perpetuated for generations to come. On the flip side, loved people, love people. I like that better.
My Legacy:
- I love with my whole heart. It's all or nothing.
- I am loyal.
- I go out of my way to help others.
- I am willing.
- I am teachable.
- I don't give up.
- I have compassion for others.
- I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
- Other people like to be around me.
- I (generally speaking) really like the 8th graders I teach.
- I'm creative.
- I'm funny.
- I'm good at compromising.
- I make everyone feel like I love them best, because I do.
- I am good with kids.
- I'm smart
- I'll sacrifice what I want in order to make someone else happy.
- I'm grateful for what I have
Of course, our legacy will grow, develop, and change as we do those things. For now, that's a good start.
5 comments:
Shan, What a beautiful post. I just want to hug your Amy-friend for giving you the advice you needed to hear. I love the legecy you are leaving here. I personally know of some little zoo animals who will be forever marked, in a very positive way, because of their Shan!
Love you.
Grammie
PLus also, I LOVE YOUR Whole SELF! Always. Even if it is all my fault you never meet my mom.
PS I have heard those exact words about your RS lesson, Because my BFF EM had to give that same RS lesson and she had never heard of that letter, and neigher had I. Her little old ladies actually fell asleep and all the ladies in her RS looked at her like she was totally looney the whole time. I'm glad it wasn't me giving that silly lesson.
the end
PPS I'm glad you have Amy, I am a good listener friend but not so much at the advice giving.
I had never heard of the letter, and nobody in our R.S. class had, either. I think that is why it is a lesson that had to be taught. I learned much from it.
Speaking of your legacy, I have much of you in my heart. I love my memories of laughing with you at Bunco, and I love to read your blog. It brightens my gloomy days, and gives me hope for myself. You leave more of a legacy than you realize, my friend. Love you so much!
Plus also you are willing to give up your whole entire day to come play with some girls you know while their mother has a meltdown. The girls came through what could have been an extremely traumatic experience with happy pedicure, makeup and art memories. Which makes their mother's traumatic experience a smidge less traumatic. Oh yeah, why isn't genius-toe-flower-painter on the list? You should add it, too.
I didn't make it to church yesterday (they frown upon us going in our jammies and bringing our beds to lie in while yacking) so I was glad to hear the lesson from you.
What's more, your blog and I do not get along. It never wants me to comment. I usually have to try like 5 times. I must love you to try that hard.
Shan, you are the greatest. Anyone who actually takes someone's good advice is a woman worth watching. That Amy, she is a gem too. That means you were a gem before I wrote that. See the "too"?
Everyone should do this exercise. But mostly, what I want to say is I agree with all twenty, even though we've never met. Yet. Now go for 50, like Amy--the great advice giver--said.
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