Speechless

Today was my first day back to school since December 19th. I know it sounds sick, but I was ready to get back. Fourteen year olds may be squirrley, but they are also what I call funny. For example, one of my favorite kids tried to convince me once that lions cannot swim. I told him he was a liar, liar pants on fire and he proceeded to explain that all that hair will drown them if it gets wet so they can't get in the water. I asked him what his proof was and he said that he has a three-legged Sheltie that almost drown because his hair was too heavy. Apparently his dad had to save him. I'm pretty much peeing my pants at this point because this child told me this story with all the sincerity his heart could muster. I asked him if maybe the fact that his dog only had three legs was the contributing factor in the drowning and not his heavy hair. He said that I shouldn't be prejudice against a special needs dog and that he wants to be treated like everyone else. I gave up that fight because that child is not all there, I tell you.

Speaking of animals, here is the Hank update I know you all come here to read. His Namma Kaye gave him a mouse for New Year's and he's in love with that thing. He carries it everywhere he goes and even sleeps with it. I'm going to have to buy more and sprinkle them around the house because when that one disappears, it will be sadness. Mostly for me because he's so funny carrying that thing all over the place.
Here's the most exciting thing I've had happen in a good while. I went to a Mary Kay training in Sandy on Saturday. I love going to Mary Kay things because I get to hang out with so many fun girls and I learn how to make lots of money. The first thing we did was a little bit of a get-to-know-you exercise. We had to find someone in the room we didn't know and tell them what makes us a good person. Mary Kay is tricky that way. They are all about personal growth and making sure that you know your worth and how fantastic you are. I'll be honest, for as great as I think I am, it's still really hard to look someone in the eye and tell them all about it. I went first and I didn't love it. I ran out of stuff to say after about 20 seconds. She was nice and helped me out by asking me questions about myself. For as painful as that was, what was about to happen was a lot more painful. It was her turn and she started off well enough telling me that she was a good mom and she loved her daughter very much. However, it somehow went very wrong at this point. She then told me that she's a good person even though her family thinks she's a disappointment because she's a lesbian. She didn't stop there because apparently she is also a good Mary Kay consultant even though her last two classes were awful. The reason they were awful, you may ask, is because it was a room full of drunk lesbians. I don't think I let my eyes bug out of my head too much when she said all that stuff though I can't prove it. I felt pretty speechless right about then. All I could say in response was, "wow". I think if she wants to be lesbian she can, but I'm not sure she should go around announcing it like maybe she just bought a new pair of cute shoes. Plus, also, I'm pretty sure I was mostly surprised because the last place I thought I'd have a heart-to-heart with a lesbian is at a Mary Kay training. I wonder if she knows the whole point of Mary Kay is girliness. Now that I think about that, I guess in her eyes, a company that is 99.99% women is a pretty good place for a lesbian. It's kind of like the military and gay men. I really don't have much else to say about that. Actually, I have many things to say about that, only I probably shouldn't.

On a different topic, here's my New Year's day photo. This is what a night of partying with Aunt Kaye, Uncle Warner, and Hank looks like the next morning: